Working 9-5...well...till six actually.

I work in a restaurant. This means I do not do, and or have no control over certain things. For instance, Sir...or Madam...


I do not write the prices. Neither mine nor your opinion can change the price on the sticker in the next five minutes, or while I serve you. This is not because I have sold my soul to my workplace manager board and am therefore a monster. It is merely because I am the Saturday boy.

Yes. We will run out of teaspoons from time to time. I try my best to make sure this does not happen to you. If this does happen to you, no I do not expect you to have to stir it with your finger. And no I do not expect you to swish it around by the handle until the sugar dissolves. Because then I have to clear up the hot drink you spill, whilst you tell me you swished it to prove your point. I will try to get you some more teaspoons. This takes over five seconds, and yes you can fit the word Mississippi between saying those numbers.

I am not allowed to kill anyone. That is why I let you moan. It is not your right to do so. If there is a problem you may explain it and even make a formal complaint I honestly will try my best to help you. I do however understand your decision not to write up a formal account and just shout at me instead, seeing as the problem was you and your entire family could not eat your meals because there was no salad cream. I would not want that read back to me either.

Yes. I saw you do that. Please don’t do that. It embarrassed both of us. I wish I hadn’t seen.

I cannot let you have something for free if the scanner does not pick it up.


I did not, nor do I have the power to, do the following things before you reached my till:

• Fill up the Argos queue with people
• Fill up all the parking spaces
• Make your shopping heavy
• Convince your child to be naughty
• Raid your bank account
• Make it hot
• Make it rain
• Design time length for parking tickets

• Buy everything you want in other shops so that you couldn’t have them and therefore had to come here

• Lose your purse/wallet
• Get your bank cards cancelled
• Design the knives and forks
• Catch the fish myself


If I tell you that you will find teabags in the tea pots, and you find the teapot without one I have not tried to sell you water. The person before you has snabbed an extra teabag. I did not tell them to do this. I will get you a teabag.

I hope this helps you dear customer, to understand MY predicament. Now, enjoy your meal, and please let me know if there is anything I can help you with.